Growing up in a single parent household, all I wanted in the world was my father's approval.
That's it. That simple. That powerful.
Coach. Mentor. Disciplinarian. The one person whose head nod told me I was doing something worthwhile with my existence. His approval was oxygen. Without it, I felt like I was suffocating.
So I chased it with everything I had. 4am ice sessions when my body screamed to stay in bed. Sacrificed friendships, relationships, normal teenage experiences. Pushed myself to edges I didn't know existed.
Then something happened that nobody ever prepares you for.
I got his approval. Full. Complete. Unconditional. After all those years of chasing it relentlessly across three Olympic Games. He looked at me with pride that was unmistakable.
And I didn't know what to do with myself.
When you spend two decades chasing something and finally catch it, you expect fireworks. Completion. Peace.
Instead, I felt... lost. If this isn't enough, what is?
This is what I call The Approval Arrival—and it's one of the most powerful themes in my keynote speeches. The disorienting moment when you get exactly what you were chasing and realize it can't actually give you what you needed all along.
I've watched founders experience this same emptiness after their exits. The wire hits, the number they've been chasing for years is suddenly real, and they feel... nothing. Or worse—they feel empty. All that sacrifice, all that grinding, and the finish line wasn't what they imagined.
External motivation can absolutely get you started. It can carry you for years. It can even make you a world champion eight times over. But it can't sustain you forever. Eventually you hit the wall where other people's expectations simply can't push you anymore.
In Leadership workshops with high-achieving teams, I explore this paradox directly. So many executives are running toward approval they already have—from boards, from markets, from partners, from parents. They're chasing something that, even if they catch it, won't fill the hole.
This is one of the reasons I'm selective about my advisory and investment relationships. I want to work with founders who are driven by something internal, not just chasing approval from investors or the market. The internally driven ones are the ones who sustain.
Here's what I learned through that painful discovery:
You can honor where you came from without being imprisoned by it forever. You can carry someone's love without carrying their expectations as chains. You can be grateful for what drove you while acknowledging it's time for entirely new fuel.
The question that finally shifted everything: Am I still chasing approval I already have?
If the answer is yes, maybe it's time for a completely different question:
Not "Am I good enough for them?"
But "Am I becoming who I actually want to be?"
Those two questions lead to very different places.
About Apolo Ohno: Apolo Ohno is a sought-after keynote speaker and leadership advisor known for translating elite performance principles into practical leadership behaviors. His work focuses on authentic leadership, executive presence, and the Gold Medal Mindset - helping executives and teams perform with clarity under pressure, communicate with conviction, and lead with credibility when the stakes are high. In his keynotes and workshops, Apolo helps leaders identify the unseen patterns, narratives, and habits that quietly limit performance, then replace them with a repeatable system for focus, resilience, and decisive action.