Do you know what FOPO is?
Fear of Other People's Opinions.
Michael Gervais introduced me to this concept years ago, and those four letters explained half my career struggles in an instant. For years, I'd been operating on a program I didn't even know was running—constantly calibrating my behavior based on what I imagined others expected.
When I retired from skating, the first thing I did was define myself by what I thought others expected. I didn't want people seeing me as just another dumb jock who couldn't do anything else. The latest Wheaties face who'd fade into complete irrelevance once someone younger and faster came along.
I desperately wanted recognition for skills outside the Olympic sphere. Even though I wasn't remotely sure what those skills were yet. I didn't want to just be Apolo Ohno, Former Speed Skater, for the rest of my life.
So my reinvention didn't have the healthiest start. It was reactionary rather than intentional. Ego-driven rather than purpose-driven. Fueled by terror of judgment rather than excitement about possibility.
I forgot about me. The one person who should've been the priority the entire time.
This is something I address frequently in keynote speeches on leadership and transition. FOPO is an invisible prison. The bars aren't physical but they're absolutely real. You can walk out anytime you choose—but first you have to see that the bars exist at all. You have to recognize that you built the cell yourself, brick by brick, with every choice driven by "what will they think?"
I've seen this pattern across every industry I've worked in as an advisor. CEOs who won't make the right decision because they're worried about how their board will react. Founders who pivot based on what investors might think rather than what customers actually need. Executives who dilute their vision because they're afraid of standing alone.
In corporate workshops on leadership presence, I have executives audit their decisions from the past month. How many were driven by genuine conviction versus fear of judgment? The ratio is usually uncomfortable. We then build a framework for distinguishing between healthy calibration and destructive validation-seeking.
Here's the truth that finally freed me: The people whose opinions you're most afraid of? Most of them aren't even paying attention to you. They're too busy worrying about their own FOPO. They're not sitting around judging your choices. They're lying awake at 3am wondering if you're judging theirs.
The spotlight effect is real—we massively overestimate how much others notice and remember about us.
When I work with leadership teams on executive presence, one of the first things we address is this fear of judgment. It shows up in body language, in decision-making speed, in how people communicate under pressure. The leaders who project real authority aren't the ones who've eliminated self-doubt—they're the ones who've learned to act despite it.
Before any major decision now, I ask myself one question: "Am I choosing this because I genuinely want it? Or because I'm afraid of what someone will think if I don't?"
The honest answer is usually uncomfortable.
And extremely useful.
Build for yourself first. The right people will recognize it.
About Apolo Ohno: Apolo Ohno is a sought-after keynote speaker and leadership advisor known for translating elite performance principles into practical leadership behaviors. His work focuses on authentic leadership, executive presence, and the Gold Medal Mindset - helping executives and teams perform with clarity under pressure, communicate with conviction, and lead with credibility when the stakes are high. In his keynotes and workshops, Apolo helps leaders identify the unseen patterns, narratives, and habits that quietly limit performance, then replace them with a repeatable system for focus, resilience, and decisive action.